Men’s Mental Health: Two Perspectives

Men face unique challenges relating to their mental health. In the U.S., men account for approximately 75% of all suicide deaths. To address and support men’s mental health needs, we first need to understand it. The problem is: most men don’t talk about their mental health. 40% of men have never spoken about their mental health. Why is it this way?  Various factors contribute to this issue, such as feelings of embarrassment, not wanting to appear weak, not wanting to be a burden, or feeling like they don’t have anyone to talk to.

Men’s mental health matters. It’s an issue that affects everyone: whether on an individual level, or as family members, friends, coworkers, and neighbors. As such, we all need to be a part of the conversation to end the stigma and silence surrounding men’s mental health. In this blog, we’ll hear from two individuals on how men’s mental health has impacted their lives, and why it’s so important to talk about. With these two perspectives, we aim to bring awareness to an issue that often goes unnoticed, change the narrative, and create a safe space where men can discuss their mental health openly. By having these conversations, we aim to redefine how society perceives mental health, and provide comfort for all men in knowing that they are not alone.

Alexa’s Story:

My experience with men’s mental health is deeply personal. For years, I lived with someone who silently battled his inner demons, and it wasn’t until 2017 that these struggles became painfully clear. That someone was my dad.

Growing up, I always saw my dad as a hardworking man, dedicated to his job. He and my mom were married for 15 years before divorcing—a separation that, in hindsight, affected him more deeply than I realized at the time. As a kid, I tried to be there for him, but my understanding was limited by my age and experience.

In 2017, as I prepared to leave for college, my dad’s reliance on me at home became more pronounced. It was around this time that I first became aware of his struggle with depression. The initial call informing me that he had attempted suicide was one of the hardest moments of my life. It felt like a cry for help from a man who didn’t know where to turn or what resources were available to him.

 I later learned from my mom that my grandparents were there when he was experiencing active suicidal ideation. This was the beginning of a long, painful journey that lasted over the next three years. Until that moment, I don’t think my dad or I fully grasped the depth of his struggles.

When he was first hospitalized, I held onto hope. I thought to myself, “Okay, he’s going to get the help he needs. He’s going to be fine.” But the reality of mental health is often more complex than we can imagine. I never thought this would happen to me or that it would go as far as it did.

I remember the night before it happened. We were out to dinner, and I could tell my dad wasn’t feeling himself. He was very quiet and only gave one-word responses when I tried to talk to him. During dinner, I mentioned that I planned to hang out with my friends the next day, February 9. He begged me not to go out, but we made a compromise.

Leading up to this moment, I had been isolating myself out of worry about leaving him alone. I was in a constant state of anxiety, wishing I had a magical wand to wave his pain away. I know my family felt the same way.

My dad’s journey was marked by silent suffering, misunderstood signals, and missed opportunities for intervention. Although my family and I did everything we could to support and love him, he ultimately lost his battle with mental illness.

Watching my dad struggle with his mental health taught me the vital importance of talking about it and raising awareness. His battle gave me a new perspective on life and ignited a drive to help others, advocate for those like my dad who suffer in silence, and push for real societal change.

Men, and those who identify with traditional notions of masculinity, often face pressure to conform to unrealistic standards, which can lead to silent suffering.

My dad’s story is a powerful reminder of the necessity to address men’s mental health openly and proactively. It calls us to create an environment where men feel comfortable seeking help without fear of judgment or stigma. In memory of my dad, and for all those who struggle in silence, I advocate for better mental health awareness and resources. No one should have to face their battles alone.

 By sharing our stories and supporting one another, we can create a world where seeking help is seen as a strength, not a weakness. Let’s continue to speak up, break the silence, and ensure that every man knows it’s okay to ask for help. Together, we can make a difference.

Jordan’s Story:

Men’s mental health for me is a story about myself. Since I was five years old, I started to notice I would become nervous and sad more and more frequently without knowing the reason why.

Growing up in my family, mental illness, and mental health wasn’t something anyone would talk about. When I first came to them with how I was feeling, I was told to keep busy so that I wouldn’t have time to feel that way anymore. And for the most part, this did help and I was able to live my life, however, there was always a time when those feelings of depression and anxiety would become overwhelming. Although my family is very supportive, none of us knew much, if anything, about mental health. Instead of seeking a doctor’s help I simply thought this was how my life would always be and there was nothing else I or anyone else could do to fix it.

Looking back, I realize there was a stigma around talking about mental health, which made me feel as if I had to do everything alone. I started to develop rituals and patterns in an attempt to gain control, which only ended up causing me to feel more depressed and anxious. My rituals and patterns started to consume my life to the point where if I didn’t follow my patterns in everything I did, my mind would spiral out of control to the point that I would just give up and look down at myself.

Before I accepted what I was going through I took a survey that my school put out for students about certain types of mental illness conditions. After taking the survey it suggested that I should talk to someone about my mental health.

When I finally was diagnosed with depression and anxiety, I felt relieved. Relieved that I wasn’t just making things up but rather there was an actual reason for how I was feeling, and that there could even be a solution. Having depression and anxiety for me was like being super excited and happy with what I was doing one day, then not wanting to even get out of bed the next. And then having a prolonged effect of not wanting to do anything at all but sleep for days, weeks, and even months. Even getting to the point where I didn’t want to live anymore.

At first, I brushed it off and didn’t think twice about it but I did mention it to my friend. And after telling them about it they were the ones that encouraged me to talk to someone and that the worst that would happen is that I don’t like it and I never go back, but it can’t hurt to try. I would say this was the turning point for me because it was the first time I allowed myself to be open to the possibility that there is help out there for me and that I can get better.

At my first therapy session, I was nervous the whole time, not knowing what to say or do. However, in the end, there was a feeling of relief as well. After that day I started to learn that this wasn’t going to be a magical treatment that I go to once and everything will be fine, but instead, it was going to be a lifelong relationship with myself and my mental health. There are still days when I feel depressed or anxious but now I have some skills to help in these situations.

Learning about mental health in general and what it is like for me changed the way I look at life. When someone has a broken bone they can go to a doctor and get it fixed relatively easily but with mental health, it has been historically looked down on, like there is something wrong with you for being this way.

Success started as the little things for me, celebrating the small victories and learning from my failures and mistakes. My relationships with my friends and family have become stronger, with God and faith it’s become closer, and with myself, it’s become healthier.

Since starting on my journey, it has given me the inspiration to advocate and open up the conversation about mental health for others. Less than a year after I started going to therapy, I learned about NAMI NH and started volunteering. Now I am truly blessed that I can share my experiences with others and I hope that I can at least help one person each time I do.

Even though it wasn’t until college that I really knew anything about mental health let alone how important it is, I’m glad I started somewhere. My recovery has taught me that it’s okay not to be okay and whatever I’m feeling, I’m never alone.

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If you or someone you know needs immediate support, you can call, text, or chat confidentially with a trained crisis worker 24/7 through 988 at no cost.

To connect with free (non-crisis) NH mental health resources & support, contact NAMI NH’s Info & Resource Line at 1-800-242-6264 (press 4) or info@NAMINH.org.