(Originally featured in Bradford Bridge)
Hello, my name is Patrick Dowling. I live in Bradford, New Hampshire, in a transitional housing facility for individuals with mental health challenges.
I have been a mental health advocate since 2018. I have spoken at the New Hampshire State House in Concord, testified on two bills, and received several awards for my advocacy work. I am a contributor and volunteer with NAMI NH (National Alliance on Mental Illness), the nation’s largest grassroots mental health organization. I have completed two certification courses through NAMI and earned a certificate from the University of New Hampshire in Integrative Behavioral Health, which focuses on progressive approaches to treating mental illness.
I live with schizoaffective disorder. When I am properly medicated and refraining from drugs and alcohol, I am stable and highly functional. Schizoaffective disorder is a combination of bipolar disorder and schizophrenia, and like all mental illnesses, it affects everyone differently. For me, the manic highs can feel euphoric—like being on top of the world. Sometimes accompanied by inflated beliefs about myself. The depressive lows feel like dragging a heavy ball and chain through everyday life.
The schizophrenia component includes auditory hallucinations, hearing voices both inside and outside my head—as well as visual hallucinations, such as seeing invisible aircraft. I also experience tactile hallucinations, like the sensation of spiders crawling on my skin. These experiences were terrifying at first, but over time I have learned coping strategies that help me manage them.
I want to share what mental illness looks like not just from my perspective, but from the perspective of my family—specifically my sister, Danielle.
Danielle’s Perspective
The first few years after Patrick was diagnosed were incredibly difficult. There was a deep grieving process. I struggled with denial—denial that anything was wrong, or that this wouldn’t be anything more than a one-time hospital stay. There was anger that something so cruel could happen to someone I love. There was bargaining, believing that if he just got help and took his medication, everything would be okay and there wouldn’t be further breaks.
There was also sadness — sadness for the life I always hoped he would live, sadness that I couldn’t protect him from this illness, and sadness that the world often doesn’t understand mental illness, making it even harder for him to thrive. Acceptance took a long time. Your heart breaks again and again when there’s a setback, because all you want is for him to be healthy and okay. Eventually, though, you reach a point where you can face it head-on together, knowing there may be steps backward, but also knowing you’re never starting from the beginning again.
When Patrick is in crisis, it’s heartbreaking. You can see the pain in his eyes and feel powerless to take it away. I often wish I could just make it all better. Still, there is relief when we are able to get him help and find professionals who truly care about his well-being and work tirelessly to support him.
Patrick Dowling is an advocate and public speaker from Bradford, NH. Hear more of Patrick’s story at NAMI New Hampshire’s production of This Is My Brave on the BNH Stage in Concord on May 7th, 2026. Tickets go on sale Monday, March 2nd at noon. Purchase tickets and learn more at: www.naminh.org/TIMB
